Saturday, March 28, 2015

My personal entry for Saturday

I know that most times I seem to be pretty cheerful and post happy things. But we all know each and every one of us has things that make us different. We all have things that are in our past that makes us who we are. So who is Jessica?

I was born and raised in North Carolina. Never lived anywhere else but have visited a few other states. I have one younger brother and no other siblings. Family has always been a big part of my life. If you do not have family then what else is there? I have lost quite a few family members over the years and it hurts. I have no remaining grandparents, which bothers me. It seems when you lose grandparents the family starts to separate themselves from the rest of the pack. I will start with my wonderful and free spirited grandmother Jessie. I looked up to her so much. She was full of life and it was infectious. My weekends as a little girl was spent at her house. I was named after her and people say that I resemble her. But as I got a few years older she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I soon watched her change and then lost her hair. Finally something happened that she was put on meds where she was sleeping all the time. I remember coming with my mom to check on her and clean up. Not to long after my mom picked me up from school and she told me Mamaw Jessie passed away. I felt even as a young child, that a small part of me had been ripped away. My grandmothers husband passed away a long time ago so I do not remember him. Then there is my other two grandparents from my mom side of the family that passed away here recently within the years. So many wonderful memories are spent with them. My papaw James was a very crafty man. He was upset when mom finally cut my long hair off lol. He passed away from age and cancer started eating him bit by bit. It got to the point where his memory had faded then soon after he passed away. My Mamaw Ernestine was a amazing a strong woman also. I have found that with so many strong women in my life, that it has made me strong. My Mamaw Ernestine was a great cook. When I was sick she always made me soup and brought it to me. She was so funny and happy. But after so many heart attacks and strokes her body just became sicker and sicker. I just lost her within a year ago.  My dad is a tough subject of mine. Maybe some other time I will talk about him. Just not right now.

I am a mother of three girls. I have been married before and it did not turn out like I thought it would. Yes I am remarried and I am happy. But my past is full of struggle. It is hard being a single mother with 3 kids. But I did the best I could with what I had. I am so thankful now that I have found someone who accepts me for who I am. I am passionate, caring and full of life. But I do have downfalls. I love helping others and spending time with my family. I do have many friends but with everyone having their own lives now it seems that I never see them anymore. I guess that is life though. Blogging has become a new found hobby of mine. Maybe one day it will grow into something spectacular.

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