I have been debating for a long time on writing this post. It's very personal and has effecting me badly over a couple of years. They always tell you to never say this won't happen or could happen to me. Well I was really wrong, it did happen to me. A few years ago I met a guy online who at first seemed really great. We spent many hours on the phone just talking and getting to know each other. He lived in another state not far from mine so it took some time before we decided to meet. It had been months of talking and us growing really attached to each other. I had noticed a couple of things I was not to sure about but I mainly blamed it on his age. He was still in that party stage.
One summer we decided to meet finally and spend a week together here at my house. Considering the fact I had children I knew I couldn't just up and leave for that long. We had a great week together when he was here, nothing out of the ordinary. We decided that he could move down here and find him a job. I had already checked him out before making this decision. Yes he had somewhat of a rough past because of growing up homeless but nothing that would harm my children. Things were going great for awhile but then it turned for the worse. He was having trouble finding work due to his past record. Which led him to drinking. The kind of drinking that he didn't stop til I was helping him to bed or fetching a trash can because he was sick. At first it started with small things like fussing with me. But I just told myself he needed to sleep it off. Things will be better in the morning and we can go about our day. Well it did until something else happened and he drank again.
Finally things hit rock bottom for us and I knew it would probably not get better. The small arguments turned into him insulting me. Putting me down to the point I felt like I was a piece of dirt. I was called worthless and other terrible names that I will not dare type them out. From those arguments it finally reached to the point of him putting his hands on me and shoving me. Or hitting me with a belt across my arms that would have hit my face if I would not have blocked. I have been pinned to the bed and mouth covered to where I can't breathe. Or chocked for a brief moment then he stop. No my children never witnessed these things but sadly they could hear us fighting with words. They knew that mommy was sad and not happy like she use to be.
Then the worst fight of all happened. He was really drunk and I should have just left. Instead I said something that really set him off. I was chased up stairs and him blocking me from leaving. He had my phone and would not let me have it. I was scared really scared this time. This time I couldn't run to the bathroom and lock myself in away from him. He had me cornered like a caged animal that was fearing from death. I could see the anger in his eyes and I was trying to tell him anything and everything that he would want to hear just to calm him down. But it wouldn't work this time. He snapped and grabbed me and threw me down on the bed. I was punched multiple times to the side of the face and head thrown against my dresser. Finally he ended up wrapping his hands around my throat and squeezing to the point that I blacked out for a moment. I was fighting for my life and all I could think about was prying his hands off and living for another day for my kids.
He finally stopped when he realized what he was doing. I managed to get us out of the house to make him think we was going to go do what he wanted. I called the cops and they came after he had done left where we was at. They could see the scratch marks on my neck from me fighting him off. I already had bruising popping up on the side of my face. They didn't catch him til a few days later when he finally got tired of hiding and turned himself in. I was a wreck, a emotional wreck. Of course he ended up coming back because I was stupid at the time. I felt like I was stuck with him. And he tried to make it out to be like there was something wrong with me. He tore me apart to where I felt like I was nothing and no one would want me. But God saved me one day when some other issues happened and he was forced to leave. It was from that day I could finally regain myself.
To this day I still question why I did what I did. Why did I put up with it for so long. I still suffer some nights and days thinking he will come back. Yes he did jail time for the assault. But I still live scared. When you are in a abusive relationship you are torn down to feel like you can't leave. Like you can't make it without them. I understand fully now of how these women feel. I thank God everyday for letting me make it out alive to see another day. So please, just know it can happen to anyone. Just do whatever you can to get out before it turns bad. Don't ignore the flags that are before you. If you know anyone that is going through this give them that strength to leave.