Domestic Violence can happen to anyone

I have been debating for a long time on writing this post. It's very personal and has effecting me badly over a couple of years. They always tell you to never say this won't happen or could happen to me.  Well I was really wrong, it did happen to me. A few years ago I met a guy online who at first seemed really great. We spent many hours on the phone just talking and getting to know each other. He lived in another state not far from mine so it took some time before we decided to meet. It had been months of talking and us growing really attached to each other. I had noticed a couple of things I was not to sure about but I mainly blamed it on his age. He was still in that party stage.

One summer we decided to meet finally and spend a week together here at my house. Considering the fact I had children I knew I couldn't just up and leave for that long. We had a great week together when he was here, nothing out of the ordinary. We decided that he could move down here and find him a job. I had already checked him out before making this decision. Yes he had somewhat of a rough past because of growing up homeless but nothing that would harm my children. Things were going great for awhile but then it turned for the worse. He was having trouble finding work due to his past record. Which led him to drinking. The kind of drinking that he didn't stop til I was helping him to bed or fetching a trash can because he was sick. At first it started with small things like fussing with me. But I just told myself he needed to sleep it off. Things will be better in the morning and we can go about our day. Well it did until something else happened and he drank again.

Finally things hit rock bottom for us and I knew it would probably not get better. The small arguments turned into him insulting me. Putting me down to the point I felt like I was a piece of dirt. I was called worthless and other terrible names that I will not dare type them out. From those arguments it finally reached to the point of him putting his hands on me and shoving me. Or hitting me with a belt across my arms that would have hit my face if I would not have blocked. I have been pinned to the bed and mouth covered to where I can't breathe. Or chocked for a brief moment then he stop. No my children never witnessed these things but sadly they could hear us fighting with words. They knew that mommy was sad and not happy like she use to be.

Then the worst fight of all happened. He was really drunk and I should have just left. Instead I said something that really set him off. I was chased up stairs and him blocking me from leaving. He had my phone and would not let me have it. I was scared really scared this time. This time I couldn't run to the bathroom and lock myself in away from him. He had me cornered like a caged animal that was fearing from death. I could see the anger in his eyes and I was trying to tell him anything and everything that he would want to hear just to calm him down. But it wouldn't work this time. He snapped and grabbed me and threw me down on the bed. I was punched multiple times to the side of the face and head thrown against my dresser. Finally he ended up wrapping his hands around my throat and squeezing to the point that I blacked out for a moment. I was fighting for my life and all I could think about was prying his hands off and living for another day for my kids.

He finally stopped when he realized what he was doing. I managed to get us out of the house to make him think we was going to go do what he wanted. I called the cops and they came after he had done left where we was at. They could see the scratch marks on my neck from me fighting him off. I already had bruising popping up on the side of my face. They didn't catch him til a few days later when he finally got tired of hiding and turned himself in. I was a wreck, a emotional wreck. Of course he ended up coming back because I was stupid at the time. I felt like I was stuck with him. And he tried to make it out to be like there was something wrong with me. He tore me apart to where I felt like I was nothing and no one would want me. But God saved me one day when some other issues happened and he was forced to leave. It was from that day I could finally regain myself.

To this day I still question why I did what I did. Why did I put up with it for so long. I still suffer some nights and days thinking he will come back. Yes he did jail time for the assault. But I still live scared. When you are in a abusive relationship you are torn down to feel like you can't leave. Like you can't make it without them. I understand fully now of how these women feel. I thank God everyday for letting me make it out alive to see another day. So please, just know it can happen to anyone. Just do whatever you can to get out before it turns bad. Don't ignore the flags that are before you. If you know anyone that is going through this give them that strength to leave.

Believe in Yourself Project

A new charity called the “Believe in Yourself Project” (www.believeinyourself.org) is helping to replace the poor body image that afflicts many girls and women. This image is heightened by what the traditional fashion industry deems as beautiful: Women are expected to appear a certain way and live up to a manufactured and unrealistic notion of what beauty is. At the same time, strained finances can prevent many girls from keeping up with what’s trending or cool, making them feel isolated among their friends for not being able to afford clothing that is deemed as "in" socially.

In an attempt to promote a positive body image, founder of online fashion site http://www.ustrendy.com has created the " Believe in Yourself Project (www.BelieveinYourself.org)

Over the past few years, Sisakhti has grown increasingly concerned with the cyber bullying and body shaming that he has seen online. At the same time, he realized the enormous social pressure that many young girls feel to try to be hip and socially cool by wearing clothing that is seen as stylish. Many girls are unable to afford these fashions and can often feel ashamed socially.

These observations inspired him to launch the Believe in Yourself Project, a foundation that will provide needy girls with dresses for upcoming dances and at same time promote a positive body image through speakers and mentors.

" The aim is to help women feel better about themselves and their physical attributes and to promote healthy self esteem among young girls at an early age, empowering these young women to take on active social roles within their school communities.

Over the past year, Believe in Yourself has given formal dresses to underprivileged high school girls and college students across the country, for them to wear at their school dances. Believe in Yourself reports that many of the girls in the program have had the self confidence to attend their first school dance.

The Believe in Yourself Project is part of a broader initiative and is currently in talks with various influential women who at one time or currently have struggled with body image, encouraging them to serve as speakers and mentors to the various girls within the program.“We hope to dispel the notion that you need to be a size 0 in order to be beautiful," says UsTrendy Founder Sam Sisakhti.

Ultimately, the Believe in Yourself Project seeks to make people feel comfortable in their own skin and not let physical or financial insecurities or limitations affect their confidence.

A moment to shake my head at Goodwill

I typically don't have much to say usually about the crazy things I see while shopping, but this just made me shake my head. A few days ago I was shopping at my local Goodwill to find my girls some summer clothes. While I was just browsing the aisle I overheard a mom and young girl raving over something on the shoe rack. I personally thought "OK nothing new". As I looked up the mom was pointing to some extremely high heeled boots and was saying I have a similar pair at home. Once again I was like ok big deal but then what the little girl and mom did just baffled me. The mom grabbed the boots off the shelf and handed them to her daughter to try on. The girl was only like 12 at most! The girl said "ooo mom are going to buy me a pair!?". The mom agreed if the shoes fit, which unfortunately they did.

I am personally shocked and outraged at this choice. There is a difference between little wedges and the high heeled boots. It is not ok in my book to let your daughter wear these things when she is so young. Children should be dressing to their age and not be parading around in outfits and shoes that would otherwise suggest they are older. It bothers me to see these young children prancing around in skimpy clothes and their bottoms hanging out! Problems arise when you just let your children dress and act however they think is "Cool". Children need to be children, not dressing like adults. Also this child could severely hurt herself if she was to fall in those heels. Am I the only one that sees the problem here with moms letting their daughters dress provocatively?

Rising school lunch prices

Typically I don't get so frustrated with my school system. Of course it may not just be mine, could be yours to. But today I found out in our local newspaper that they were going to raise the school lunch prices next year by another 10 cent. I know many may look at this as nothing, but since my oldest daughter has been in school I have slowly watched it raise more and more. It is frustrating to all of us struggling parents. I mean come on, must of us already can barely afford it as it is. I feel that within a couple more years school lunches here will be 3.00! Me personally I think that is crazy. I agree that kids should be served healthy and delicious meals, but at what price? The reasoning they gave was to back one of the programs they had for the district. Yes it is a good cause, but by taking more from parents pockets to help a cause, will lead to even more parents to have to be on the program.

Parents are already having issues with schools serving disgusting food. I have seen the photos that have gone viral and I am disgusted! For the price we are paying now a days for food kids deserve better! If they bought from the local markets around here there would be a huge price cut. More fresh veggies and lean meats. There are plenty of farms around here that could benefit from the business. Just think of the benefits from buying locally. Helps the school and helps businesses. Maybe one day soon they will open their eyes and realize this.

Personal Saturday entry....

Today has been a very peaceful and relaxing day here at the house. Husband let me sleep in, then we all got ready and went grocery shopping. I couldn't ask for a more perfect start to my day. Plus I did a bit of organization to the laundry room. I'm stock piled on laundry detergent from the coupon hauls that I do at Harris Teeter. I also tried out a new crock pot recipe, turned out pretty delish. Here is the link if you are interested in trying it.

 

 

But eventually toward the start of the evening I felt crappy. My whole body is achy and I feel fatigued. This has been going on for quite some time. My back starts hurting and moves down to my knees. By 8pm I'm laying in bed in tears. It's either I disappear into my room or I get moody. Anyways sorry for the whoa is me banter but it feels good to write down what Is going on in my head. Hope everyone is having a great weekend. Please feel free to leave a comment or two, let me know what you cooked over the weekend. Or if you just feel like ranting like I did go ahead lol.

 

 

Not sure how this day is going to be.

My husband and I finally decided it was time to move "K" into her sisters room. We were a little hesitant, because of "M" and her hyper ness. So far things have been going well up until today. I get up and get my oldest daughter ready for school and leave to take her, only to return with husband at the door looking pretty angry. "M" was jumping up and down on the side of the crib singing with "K" in it.

Just not really sure how this day is going to pan out. Fingers crossed it gets better. On the plus side, we are taking the family to the zoo in a couple weeks.